


actions say it all

by cherrychan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, Short, lapslock, sad but happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21853540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrychan/pseuds/cherrychan
Summary: while being idols, chan confesses to soonyoung, and soonyoung doesn't think it's the right decision to be together, or at least he wants to think that.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Chan | Dino
Comments: 5
Kudos: 50





	actions say it all

**Author's Note:**

> pls enjoy this short lil thing that was collecting hypothetical dust in my docs folder on my laptop

chan intently watched soonyoung in the mirror as he slowly danced and counted his beats out loud to him. chan was supposed to be studying his moves, but often lost focus in the enthralling nature of soonyoung’s dancing. nevertheless, chan then had to recreate all the moves that the elder did, with confidence and accuracy as if he wasn’t just swept into awe at soonyoung’s skill.

while chan danced, he caught a glimpse in the mirror’s reflection of soonyoung staring just as intently at _him_. chan couldn’t lie. he craved soonyoung’s gaze on him like kids crave attention from their parents.

when he finished that part of the dance, soonyoung approached him and explained, “when you’re doing this move, you need to move your arm like this, not so outward.”

soonyoung stepped closely behind chan and gently took hold of his arm, adjusting the form so they could both see in the mirror. _nah_ , chan thought, _this is definitely better than him looking at me_.

“do you see what I mean?” soonyoung asked.

he nodded and danced again, moving his arm like the elder had demonstrated. next, his hyung’s choreography called for him to stand in front of soonyoung while he would slide his hands across chan’s hips. and while chan internally celebrated about how much more often he would feel his hyung’s hands on his hips, all that came out of his mouth was “ah, cool move, hyung.”

soonyoung was doubtlessly chan’s best friend in the whole world and he admired his charming personality. he couldn’t quite explain why he loved skin-ship between them so much, or why he missed him so much when he wasn’t around, but he knew that they cared for one another deeply. whenever soonyoung gave chan attention, which was common, chan ate it up—probably without even noticing. (soonyoung noticed, however.)

back in the studio, chan turned around and asked, “what will the other hyungs do?” 

“they’ll probably be on our sides singing their parts. I haven’t figured it out yet. I’m just focused on you and me for now.”

chan couldn’t help but to smile.

they continued their practice for a short while—during which chan may or may not have purposely had his form wrong on several parts—until deciding to take a break. once chan is alone, he (for better or for worse) can’t get soonyoung off his mind, like usual. he couldn’t really say that he was welcoming of a lot of the thoughts that would come and go every so often about his hyung. for instance, the inexplicable urge to hold his hand, or to snuggle up next to him when they sat together. he was worried about what would happen if soonyoung knew he thought about these things. unfortunately, to his embarrassment, one person already knew.

“saw you and soonyoung were rehearsing alone again,” junhui said to chan with a sly grin.

“ah, be quiet, hyung,” chan cringed. he had already expected jun to come pick on him again after another rehearsal with soonyoung.

junhui sat down. “when are you gonna tell him?”

“tell him what?”

“about how badly you wanna hold his hand!” junhui exclaimed far too loudly. “I don’t know why you’re so against the idea. you’ve seen coups-hyung and jeonghan-hyung.”

“that’s different. everyone likes it when they do that.”

“uh, I don’t know about _everyone_.”

“my point is that jeonghan-hyung likes it when coups-hyung holds his hand. soonyo—”

“I’m gonna stop you right there, because I know what you’re about to say. whenever soonyoung isn’t working himself to death, chances are he’s with you. you guys are already close, and it won’t surprise him to learn that you want to hold his hand. _chances are_ , he’ll probably even hold it.”

“I wish,” chan muttered, keeping his gaze lowered. if what jun said was true, and chan asked soonyoung to spend more time together, he would come off as desperate and needy. plus, how would he explain why he wanted to hold his hand more? he couldn’t simply say to his hyung, “I think that if we added that little bit of intimacy, it would bring so much more meaning to our friendship and even though we would almost never be able to, the limited times we _do_ get would make all the difference.”

the rest of the day from then proceeded slowly, since soonyoung squared himself away alone to finish choreographing a new performance team song. chan had responsibilities to busy himself with, but even then, he was waiting to see his best friend again. finally, he saw his hyung at dinner and eagerly sat next to him, finding a sense of peace and belonging beside him.

whenever soonyoung got really comfortable or was generally in a good mood, he’d mindlessly rest his hand on chan’s thigh and perhaps give it a little squeeze, for the unconscious purpose of sharing his joy with the younger. needless to say, it worked. today, when soonyoung’s hand found its home on chan’s thigh, it got him thinking about what jun said. what if soonyoung felt the same way? he couldn’t help his desire for soonyoung, so he truly did need to stop shaming himself for the thoughts he couldn’t control. if soonyoung felt the same way, maybe chan wouldn’t have to be embarrassed anymore.

after dinner, chan noticed soonyoung was in his dorm for once, lying in bed on his phone. he entered the bedroom and saw jihoon was asleep on the next bed over and would have normally lowered his voice, but he knew that once jihoon was out, there was no waking him up. 

“hey, hyung,” he said to soonyoung.

“hey channie. wanna come play this game with me?”

chan joined him on the bed and laid down next to him to watch him play. it didn’t take much time for them to be laughing as loud as seokmin and having a great time together. taking a leap of faith, chan grabbed soonyoung’s hand and held it, a blush already rising to his cheeks. soonyoung put his phone down and turned to face chan.

the words bubbled up from his throat before his head could force them back down, “hyung, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

chan didn’t usually need words with soonyoung. actions said it all. something in the expression on soonyoung’s face tells chan that he knows exactly what’s coming. even though, he still asks excitedly, “what is it?”

his palms are already sweating, but he doesn’t dare let go of his hyung’s hand. he didn’t know why he was saying this, but he saw it to be too late to turn back. 

“so, hyung, I really like you, like more than the other members, like in a different way than them, actually. and I wish I could spend more time with you and, uh, touch you more,” chan confessed, mentally face-palming at the last part. his face felt so hot that he was worried it would melt off.

soonyoung averts his gaze and sits up, telling chan to do the same. their hands let go, leaving chan’s palm empty and cold.

chan’s eyes widened as he interpreted his body language perfectly.

_no no no no no no no please don’t do this why did I have to say that_

“chan-ah,” soonyoung sighs and lowers his voice, “what do you expect me to say? what did you think would happen here? even if… _even if_ we could be in a relationship to any measure while being idols, when do you think we would have the time? gosh, the prospect of being in a relationship never even crosses my mind. when, in between rehearsals, concerts, comebacks, livestreams, and just daily excursions could we possibly fit in a relationship?”

chan is caught off guard by soonyoung blatantly using the word _relationship_ to what he just described, and for a second is offended that he would draw that conclusion. however, his annoyance dissolves away as he shamefully understands that that was exactly what he was asking for. nevertheless, he can feel his heart shriveling up within his chest, tears welling up in his eyes and threatening to fall. he knew that his face was as red as a tomato, which added to his embarrassment. to an extent, he felt betrayed by his hyung. he would have never guessed this reaction. _why is he being so insensitive? what happened to the hyung I know?_ _he shot me down so fast._

“chan-ah, it’s not like I don’t like having you around. if it were _any_ other situation, I would be thinking differently. but this is our reality. I hope you understand,” soonyoung rested his hand on chan’s shoulder, but he pulled away.

_ouch. ouch._ _why on earth did I do this?_ _I just ruined everything_

chan only nodded and stood up, his mind traveling at astronomical speed. he didn’t speak, knowing that if he tried to at all his voice would break and he would cry. he walked out and heard soonyoung say behind him, “channie, I promise this won’t change anything between us.”

_yeah right._ like anything can go back to normal after confessing to someone you see every day and perform with. chan covered his face in his hands as he ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

he was utterly blindsided. soonyoung had _held his hand_ while he confessed, then proceeded to completely reject him and imply that chan was stupid for thinking he had a chance. was he really so naïve to believing that soonyoung’s skin-ship with him was entirely platonic?

no one could know about this. he was embarrassed to his core and couldn’t stand to have anyone else know about it. after taking half an hour to collect his thoughts, he silently left the bathroom and crawled under the blankets of his bed in his dorm.

to say that the following week was awkward would be an understatement. chan was heartbroken that he lost his best friend, even though soonyoung kept his word and acted like it never happened. however, chan had a cold indifference towards him and avoided him whenever possible. performance team rehearsals and concerts weren’t fun, and soonyoung, refusing to let chan completely destroy their friendship, would get him on the spot with v-lives where chan was forced to act happy and like nothing was wrong.

because chan was now frequently withdrawn, he spent his free time practicing group dances and even choreographing new solo performances. fortunately, this made him seem more hard-working to the rest of the group and not just suddenly wanting to get away from everyone.

eventually, out of respect for the younger, soonyoung quit trying to make amends and decided to leave him alone. chan, being the stubborn boy that he was, didn’t enjoy this. now, he’d have to see soonyoung having fun with all the other hyungs and acting like how he used to act with chan. jihoon posted photos to the seventeen’s twitter of him and soonyoung hanging out alone and it made chan want to cry. _that could have been me_ , he thought, if only he hadn’t been so stubborn and got over himself. he had a profound new sense of jealousy and loneliness that made him finally cut the cold act for his own sake.

as he came to that decision, he got a notification on his phone of a v-live starting and he opened it. in front of the camera sat a bare-faced soonyoung, who had decided to stream for fun. he spends most of the time answering questions from chat and talking about his day.

soonyoung says, “oh, I might have a guest here. guess who it is.”

several people immediately guess dino, and soonyoung says, “ah, no, it’s not dino. I really miss dino lately—I never get to see him anymore.”

fighting the feelings of jealousy at hearing _guest,_ a part of him wanted to go join him right then and there, but knew it would be a bad decision since a long talk was needed between them before things could be normal again. feeling helpless, chan put his phone down and went to bed.

in the middle of the night, chan felt rustling in his bed and then a hand on his shoulder.

“channie,” soonyoung whispered, waking up the younger.

he groaned in response, too tired to make any coherent sentence.

“channie, wake up.”

“whaaaaat?” he whined.

soonyoung tugged on his shirt. “come with me.”

he dragged himself out of bed, holding onto his hyung’s hand.

“is this for the v-live?” chan asked, half-asleep.

“ha, no, channie. that ended hours ago.”

“what is it then?”

“I just need to talk to you.”

in the kitchen, soonyoung got chan some water and they sat down at the table while chan woke up. it was hard for him to look his hyung in the eyes after weeks of silence.

soonyoung took chan’s hand in his own and began, “chan-ah, I’m so sorry for being so harsh before. I hate seeing you so withdrawn and cold. I really just want my best friend back. and I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t think that being in a relationship is as impossible as I originally thought. it would be hard, but just being something slightly more than friends doesn’t sound bad at all.

“there was a lot that I didn’t get to say when you told me how you felt. because I like you in a different way than the others. I prefer to spend my time with you the most, and I can’t begin to express how lonely I felt when you wouldn’t talk to me. I said no because I couldn’t give you my all in a relationship which is something you deserve, but you must understand that what I’m offering isn’t big. if more time with me and more touching is genuinely all you want, then I can try my best to give that to you. I just want my best friend back.”

chan was taken aback by his three-in-the-morning explanation, and he wanted nothing more than to accept, but he questioned soonyoung’s sincerity.

“hyung, I’m over it. you don’t have to escalate our friendship just for my sake. I’m okay with just going back to the way things were before.”

“no, channie,” soonyoung said, lifting chan’s hand to his face. he froze as soonyoung’s lips connected with the back of his hand and planted a kiss there, their gaze not breaking. blood rushes to his face and he’s in disbelief that soonyoung would ever grace anyone with the touch of his lips. his lips, full and beautiful, curved more perfectly than a violin. “ _I_ want more than that,” soonyoung states. “the time that we’ll get alone will be minuscule, but even then, that makes all the difference. I didn’t see that before. please don’t doubt my love for you.” 

chan’s eyes widened, his heart restoring with every syllable that left his mouth. he said _love_ , right?

“can I hug you?” asked soonyoung. chan nodded.

soonyoung stood up and took chan in his arms, holding on tightly. the elder’s face buried into chan’s hair, and he could have sworn that he felt a kiss. when they pulled away, chan looked into soonyoung’s eyes, and the electricity between them could have given a whole neighborhood power. wordlessly, soonyoung planted another warm kiss on chan’s forehead, and he felt his chest wanting to explode, and a blush burned through the skin on his ears and cheeks. and their eyes met once again, their thoughts perfectly in sync, glaring with loving anticipation at each other’s faces, so close. slowly, they grew even closer, their hands finding their marks on necks and tangled in hair. soonyoung's skin was radiating heat, like a welcoming blanket that chan wanted to wrap himself in and fall asleep in. he felt his hot breath against his lips, and his heart beat in his throat, and his fingers trembled.

their lips connected, and their worlds wholly merged into one. their eyes fluttered shut, and they only felt the heaven that was each other’s soft, warm lips. chan's burning heart must have burst out of his chest and flew upwards toward the moon, and he heard fireworks explode in his mind, and saw vague sparkling images of their brilliant colors. words don’t give justice how safe and comforted chan felt in soonyoung’s arms, the arms that were wrapped tightly around his midsection, and how much joy was overflowing out of his heart after wanting this for so long. he smiled against the kiss, and moved his hands to cup the elder’s cheeks. they pulled away to see one another once again, their grinning faces red with passion.

“does that mean you forgive me?” soonyoung asked breathlessly, happier now than he had been in a long time.

chan didn’t need words with soonyoung. actions said it all. chan pulled him into another kiss, and soonyoung closed his eyes.


End file.
